The twilight of war

7. The twilight of war

"What did you really say to Taniroth? Before you killed him?" I asked. We had just finished lunch and Kalian had run off to pester some of the soldiers with his millions of questions. Ares and I sat by the corner of a big table, he was leaning against the wall, apparently satisfied with the large meal. I was going to learn that he ate as much as three men, and I understood where Kalian's large appetite was coming from.

"I told him that I was not going to humiliate him by asking him if he wanted to beg for mercy."
"Do they do that often?"
"It happens. Some act so brave and stubborn, but when facing death they often back off."
"Do you - show mercy then?"
"Sometimes. When I know that I have made a point with my fighting and they won't come after me later, seeking some stupid kind of revenge. As if they thought they could beat me a second time when they failed the first! Most of the times those duels are unnecessary though. I had to challenge Taniroth, because otherwise I would never have his scornful nagging off my back. But more often it's them who call out to me, to see if they can defeat me."

I wondered if that was what had happened to Xena. Had she dueled with Ares and called for mercy? And now she was ashamed of it? Ares seemed to be reading my mind again:
"Did you see your friend?"
"Yes. Yes, after the duel she and I had a chat. She works at the hospital here, just as I. We're both living in the personnel's block of flats, where you and I went yesterday to get mine and Kalian's stuff. Before we leave I got to go and give her a real farewell. I guess I need to sell my house in Salenda too, if we are going to Greece."
"It's a pretty place. We could keep it. As a place for rest and mindfulness." Ares suggested, and it made me smile, I could think of nothing better. It was there we had met. It was there I had birthed Kalian. The place held so many positive memoires I could hardly consider parting from it.

He leaned over me and pulled back a strand of hair from my face. It was weird and wonderful how Ares could be so fierce and brutal in a fight and then so tender when he touched me. He rested with thumb and forefinger against my lips and I kissed them lightly. In reply he laid his arm around me and I leaned against him, felt his warmth trough the linen tunic. Heard his heart beat, strong and steady.
"The war will be but over now. There will be a declaration of peace. We might sign it here. On neutral ground."
"You'll sign it?" It sounded almost funny in my ears.
"No, the representative of the Greek empress will. As well as a representative of the Anatolian king. I will only witness it. Together with some Anatolian god."

"What if they attack you for what you did to Taniroth then?" I asked.
"Then they are even more stupid than I thought." Ares huffed.

¨*¨*¨

As Cleodice walked into the room to start removing the leftover from our meal I caught her eyes:
"Dearest, what happened to your face?" The young girl shrugged.
"Knife."
"Troubles you?"
"Nah... not really. Well, when there's bad weather coming in, it sometimes pains. But I'm getting used to it. Besides the guy who did it is down under now. I sent him across the Styx myself."
"I can fix it if you like."

Cleodice's face lit up.
"Really?"
"Really!"
"I know I shouldn't be vain, I'm a warrior, but you know..."
"I do know. Speaking for myself I know how vanity gets the better of us when we look into the mirror. Now come over here!"
"Now?"
"Of course, why wait?"

The Amazon put aside her things and complied and I laid my right hand across her marred cheek, putting my left hand upon her shoulder.
"Now this will hurt a bit, but probably not as much as when you got the scar." Then I took a few minutes to read the texture of her undamaged skin and after that I melted down the scar tissue and copied the cells of the healthy part over it, smoothing and smoothing until all visible scar tissue was gone. While doing so I saw how Cleodice wrinkled her brow and blinked away the tears in her eyes, clamping her cheeks against the outcry of obvious pain.
"Amazon or not, you don't have to be so brave, dear" I told her and then she whimpered a bit.

As I removed my hand I picked up a brass lid for a saucepan, dried it off a bit and then turned it to the Amazon as a mirror.
"See - you're new, dear! Now, I'll give you some ointment to make it even better. It'll itch a bit the first days; try not to scratch because the skin is tender. Use only water for cleaning and keep your face out of the sun as much as possible the first weeks. A scarf or a cover-all helmet ought to do it.
"Thank you great goddess!" Cleodice said with a faint blush and it felt so unusual to hear. No one ever had called me that. I realized then I had gained a new position here among the Greeks. Not only was I the beloved of their war god, I was also a healing goddess, someone to turn to with pains and injuries. It was gaining me respect in a way I had never expected earlier. So different from just being regarded as a mortal healer.

But then Cleodice was far from the first Greek I had helped, as the word about my abilities had spread there had been warriors coming to me with all kinds of predicaments, from colds to old war injuries. A kitchen girl had burned her hand and a Dark Warrior had got a snake bite. One soldier had trouble with his shoulder after an old arrow wound, another one had a constant ringing in her ear after a concussion and a third one walked with a limp because of broken leg which had healed in a faulty way. I had even generated an eye, that had taken me two hours, and then Ares had to tell me to stop or I'd wear myself out. That had always been my main weakness, I had hard to judge my abilities and I always wanted to give too much, to help too many.

That was something I had to talk to Asklepios about when I met him, which I had no doubt I'd do sooner or later now when I know he was Ares' nephew. When do you stop thinking about others and start thinking about yourself, I would ask him.  

¨*¨*¨

"Ares?" I asked. "You know the friend I talked about. My colleague from the hospital. "
"Yes?" He looked up from the crossbow he was mending.
"You've met her."
"When? In Salenda?"
"Yes, briefly. But also before that event. About thirty years ago she was a mercenary army surgeon with the Thracians during the Endergoran war."
"So far away!"
"Yeah. The two of you fought. And you wounded her in the tight."

"Very possible if she was with the Thracians and I was with the Greeks. I fought a lot of people in that war as well as in all the others. And some were spared. Like your friend. Perhaps I saw no reason for killing a medic."
"Yeah, and she's still having nightmares about you, that you're coming for her to finish what you started." Then I remembered what she had told me four years ago: "She dreamt that you were outside my house the night Kalian was born."
"She might be psychic then, because I was there in spirit."
"Yeah I did feel you. But…"
"But what?"
"Can you… I want… I want to deliver her from those dreams. I guess the only way for that to happen is for you to… If the two of you can meet."

Ares looked a bit uncomfortable.
"And what should I say to her exactly? That I'm sorry about her leg?"
"I removed her scars long ago, but I could do nothing about those in her soul. Or her nightmares."
"That's what happens in war. She knew it as well as everyone else."
"Ares, she's my friend. I want to help her nevertheless. She's such a proud woman and she has been a wonderful colleague and companion. Please!"

Putting down the crossbow my beloved took my hand, caressing it lightly:
"All right. It might not work, but I'll give it a try." He smiled then. "On one condition."
"What, honey?"
"I want another of those wonderful pressure points massages you give."
"Deal!"
"Hope I don't make it worse for her though. That's always a risk you know."
"I guess we have to take it then."

¨*¨*¨

The same day as the peace treaty was to be signed I went over to Xena's to say my farewells. I had a lump in my troth while doing that. We had shared so much over the years and lived almost as sisters, especially during those last years here in Darangorlad. Yet now it was time to turn that page in life, and travel with my dear son and the love of my life to the other side of the Aegean. And perhaps not ever see Xena again. Because even if we were keeping my house in Salenda, Xena was not going there anymore, she was staying here, she told. She knew she was needed and wanted here. She knew that what she did here was important. On top of that she liked this little seaside town with its rustic architecture, its narrow alleys and tacky tourist traps.  

She was outside her ground floor apartment, sitting at the terrace in the shade of the large cedar tree with a read and an amphora of lemonade and she looked up when I came, smiling a sad smile. She knew it too.
"So this is it then, Narinda. This is good bye."

I went up to her and hugged her.
"You sure have been the best friend anyone could ever have had, Xena. I'm going to miss you so incredibly much!"

Xena hugged back, hard and strong. And I could hear how she was choking upon tears when she replied:
"Oh, Nari! What am I going to do without you? No I have no one to fight with. Or discuss men with."
"Talking 'bout men, I do want you to meet Arian before we go."
"I can understand that. He's after all… He's the light in your eyes. I hope you'll become happy together."

"He's down by the playground with Kalian; he wanted to ride the tree swing."     
"Yes, Kalian, I have to say goodbye to that little darling too." Xena put down her book and rose. It hit me how old she suddenly looked. Her hair was almost all white now and she looked tired and sad. But then she smiled and her eyes twinkled - and in that smile I saw her strength again, and I knew that she would cope, because she was doing the right thing. Her thing. And for that she held my deepest respect.

We started to walk the graveled pathway down the slope where last year's leaves were still covering the ground and the cracked stones never got replaced and then we went around the corner to the playground. Down there I saw Ares and Kalian; they had abandoned the swing for a found ball they were goofing around with. There were no other children around. This place used to be crowded with little ones, but since the two invading armies had reached the town most parents were keeping their offspring indoors.

Ares was in 'Arian mood' now and it hit me how different his body language looked when he was incognito. More care-free and playful, almost like he was still an adolescent. I heard the wonderful sound of their laughter and when Kalian saw us he came running up to us:
"Mother, Xena! Hi, Xena are you coming with us to Greece?"
"Unfortunately not, dear" she went down to hug Kalian. "I'm staying here."
"But I want you to. Dad can show you his…"

Ares came up and interrupted with a polite greeting.
"You're Xena, right. Narinda's dear friend."
"That's correct.  And you must be Arian."

I swallowed. This was it. It was a wound that needed to be cauterized. It would hurt like a nightmare, but it was necessary. I laid my arms around Kalian and looked at Xena and Ares.
"Yes, that's a travelers' name I use."
"A traveler's name?"
"Yes, you need them sometimes when you do things you don't want to tell the whole world you are doing."

Xena misunderstood of course:
"That's the name you use when you start a family or what?" she said sternly. "What's wrong with your own name?"
"What does she mean?" Kalian asked.
"I'll tell you later," I mumbled.
"There's nothing wrong with it. Save for when you are at war and want to go incognito to some places. Didi and Kalian know what name I use normally though. The name my mother and father gave me once."
"And that is?"

"Ares."
"You've got to be kidding!"
"I'm not."
"Are you telling me that they named you after that war god? Then I beg your pardon, I understand that you need travelers names sometimes. No offence but…"
"Xena, I am that war god."

Now my friend became muted. She turned first red then all pale in her face as several emotions passed in her greenish blue eyes. She took a step back and first I feared that she would turn around and run. Then she straightened up and looked Ares firmly in his eyes. She looked magnificent then.
"I knew it! I knew that you would show up one day, old destroyer. And now you're not taking my life from me but my best friend. I wish…" she went quiet and turned to me:
"Narinda, are you serious about this?"
"Never been more serious in my entire life."

"Well then, as they say up North, when you face the trolls they burst. Now, Ares, I'm not scared of you anymore. But get out of my dreams and take care of that girl. She deserves better than another pig walking out on her. And so does Kalian."
"I promise, Xena. At least the latter. Dreams I can do nothing about, it's not in my power. There's a guy named Morpheus who might help you though."

At his wry humour even Xena had to lay down her arms. She laughed her familiar husky laugh, then she turned stern and said:
"War has come to twilight, and I'll soon be dealing with more 'normal' patients here. But that doesn't mean they're going to stop coming. I know I'm needed here, so I'm staying. I'll miss you Nari darling. And my dearest Kalian, who became almost like another son of mine. But not you, Ares. Bringer of havoc and terror. Blood-luster! Wherever you go there's death and horror. Carnage and devastation performed in your name. And too much work for a medic to do. So off to Greece with you and stay there!"

¨*¨*¨

"I'm sorry, honey," I told Ares when we were returning to the Greek headquarter. "I didn't know she would be that hostile. She usually isn't."
"Don't be. I'm used to hostilities. It comes with the work description. I hardly hear them anymore. They pour off like water on a goose."

At that time I felt so unhappy for him. He had to hear all those things from people who didn't know him. Who only knew a rumour. A rumour of a blood thirsty war god. A rumour they never bothered to look behind. All right Ares had killed and maimed more people than I could even begin to imagine. Mortals as well as gods and whatever other beings who might've come in his way. On the other hand I bet that any mister nice guy would gladly take a crossbow and shoot an arrow in the chest of somebody who threatened someone or something they held dearly. And Ares was simply so much better at killing than any random 'mister nice guy', so he had to do the job for them. Some people stitched wounds, some people cooked meals, and some people built houses. And some people kept the bad guys at bay. Ares was one of those.

And the saddest thing of all was that those mister nice guys always came to him and asked him to save them when danger was approaching. To chase away and kill the bad guys for them while they hid in shelters. Then he gladly came. He and his dark warriors. They did their job, cleaned the area, returned safety and stability to the region. But when the war was over those who had prayed so hard to him didn't want to acknowledge him anymore. They suddenly became pacifists and believed war and war gods were useless. It was so unfair!

I squeezed his hand a bit harder.
"I'm sorry anyway. You must not think too badly of Xena, she's - she is really nice."
"At least to those who doesn't cut up her leg I take it." Ares replied sarcastically.
"But - Ares" I said, stopping and grabbing his arms, looking deep in those dark eyes, making him stop and facing me. "She's not the only one."
"What do you mean?"

I glanced at Kalian who was sitting on Ares' right arm. He was attentive of course, and I knew I had a lot of explanations to give him as well. But first my beloved. Reluctantly I told him. I told him all the stories people used to tell about him. About the killings and the terror performed in his name, about his rumored lust for blood and death, about his reckless slaughter and extensive destruction. Things I knew were way exaggerated but yet were told over and over again, and not only by the enemies of the Greeks. And thus taking root in the society turning the name of Ares into something you feared and despised.
"I'm sorry," I finished. Not caring that I was repeating myself. "But that's what people say about you." I blinked away the tears in my eyes trying to read his face, sense his thoughts. Was he angered? Sad?

Instead Ares barely shrugged.
"Don't you think I've heard these things already? Over and over again. I know they're overstatements. And so do you. But it's no big deal really. In fact I want it that way."
"You want… people to believe these things about you? But, Ares, why?"
"Because of fear. Fear is a good weapon. It can be used against almost anyone and at a low cost. If people believe me a beast they tend to stay away from me. And thus less trouble."
"How can you want…?"
"Didi-mou, the people who matter to me know it's war propaganda. The rest I don't really care about. I talked to Xena because you asked me to. Otherwise I would never have bothered. "